surprisebitch:

*calls 911*

911: hello, 911, what is your emergency?

me: help!! i lost my virginity!!

911: um im sorry.. but.. i dont think..

me: no, i lost my pet, “virginity” its name is virginity !

911: ohhh! xD

me: xD

(via dutchster)

22,307 notes
When you’re at the pool lounging on a beach chair and some little kids are running and the lifeguard screams out “no running” do you respond “excuse me, not all of us are running”? No, you don’t. The lifeguard didn’t have to specifically state who they were talking to because you’re intelligent enough to comprehend that the comment wasn’t being directed at you.

Found a quote that shuts down that “not all men” argument pretty well. (via mykicks)

Lolll

(via adr0itness)

(via stfumras)

51,554 notes
  • What they say to kids who want pets: Are you sure you're not just saying you want one because all your friends have one? Remember, it's not going to be small and cute forever, it will grow up eventually! It's a living being that will depend entirely on you for the rest of its life. Are you really sure you're ready for this?
  • What they say to adults who DON'T want kids: Oh, you'll want one sooner or later. Everybody does, after all. Besides, babies are soooo cute, aren't they? You'd better hurry up before you get too old!
48,509 notes

deanprincesster:

women: being a woman is hard

men: I thikn youre forgetting something: it is also hard to be a man. just letting you know that you forgot to mention that when you were talking about being a woman

(via lntelligent)

81,975 notes

trinandtonic:

blastortoise:

white people: mike brown robbed that store!

Lawyer: no he didn’t

Store owners: nope

Eye witnesses: nah

white people:

white people: MIKE BROWN ROBBED THAT STORE

people who are paying attention: hey hey did you know that robbing a store is not actually grounds for an extrajudicial execution anyway

(Source: blastortoise-chan, via pplofcolor)

80,260 notes